Hot Dog Contest Review

Yesterday's contest was everything it was hyped up to be and so much more. We had everything in this match, folks. There was the douchey announcer who claimed that if you googled "hero" today you would find Joey Chestnut up there with Abe Lincoln and... Taylor Hicks? We were missing, however, a cameo from Eric "Badlands" Booker, a personal favorite of mine. Of course, all the big boppers where there including Sonya Thomas, Kobayashi, Joey Chestnut, Tim "Eater X" Janus, "Burger" Simpson, and Patrick Bertoletti. Bertoletti in particular had a surprisingly strong day, keeping pace with Kobayashi for the first five minutes or so.

They started out trying to get the whole field on camera ( as if it even mattered, right guys?! lolllllllllllllllll) but quickly focused on our two contenders, Kobayashi and Chestnut. They both started out chipmunking, which is a very common style for Chestnut but not so much so for Kobayashi. Any time I've ever seen Kobayashi he's gone primarily with the Japanesing technique, which he would switch over to later in the match.

At points Chestnut had as much as a five dog lead at 39-34, and though it seemed as if his jaw was not affecting him, that Kobayashi was going down without much of a fight. However! Kobayashi began to battle back at a steady pace and managed to tie it up again at 59-59. It was Chestnut who reached 60 first to break his own world record, and this is where it all begins to be too much for the 6-time consecutive champion, Kobayashi.

They appear to be tied at the buzzer, but Kobayashi gives it all up with a Reversal of Fortune! When we come back from commercial we see the final tally is 66-63, Chestnut. This battle was more epic than any sporting event I have ever seen, excluding only Larry Johnson's magical four point play and Robin Ventura's Grand Single. I am now convinced that, as an American, it is my duty to watch the few indulge themselves (professionally!) while many go hungry! America, fuck yeah!

And a very happy belated Fourth of July, America is the fucking balls.