Monday, April 6, 2009

I Love Cheese! I Put Provolone in My Socks at Night So They Smell Like Your Sister's [Sports Ticker] in the Morning!

-The Orioles have asked Vice President Joe Biden to throw out the first pitch today. Due to their lack of pitching, he will also throw the following 99 pitches.

-I am not going to make a joke about Brett Myers and potential continued domestic abuse after his getting shelled last night. That would be inappropriate.

-There's a category on Sports Center called "Unhappy Coach," which I think is the title of the new Mitch Albom book.


-Jay Cutler asks Bears to paint his locker black in order to "reflect the gloomy forecast of [his] soul."

-Report: Donte Stallworth "alarmed" to learned that manslaughter means murder and does not refer to a manwhich type barbeque dish.

-Michael Jordan elected to Basketball Hall of Fame, narrowly misses induction to Baseball Hall of Fame.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

That's Not a Fortune!

From the inside of a fortune cookie: "It's fun being a kid."

I expect my fortune cookies to tell me that an attractive stranger is going to rub my feet, not something like that.