"Maybe like, they just can't see me through my clever disguise, maybe."
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
HEY EVERYBODY!!!
Nobody is talking about the Colts! Isn't it incredible how Nobody is talking about the Colts! I mean, they are an undefeated team in the NFL, how is it that Nobody is talking about the Colts!?
"Maybe like, they just can't see me through my clever disguise, maybe."
"Maybe like, they just can't see me through my clever disguise, maybe."
Thursday, October 25, 2007
ESPN Featured Comment Time!!!
"If the Sox lose this game, this series gets very interesting. "
No waiiiii!
Where Are They Now?: Bill Romanowski
2003 - Retires, slaughters a cow with his bear hands to appease Zeus.
2004 - Smashes his face into the wall 'cause he's mad hardcore. You think that's a bad idea? Pussy.
2005 - Has diarrhea every day for the calendar year. When asked why this was happening by Pedro Gomez, Romo projectile-diarrhead on him.
2006 - Considers a comeback to the NFL, decides to punch a kitten in the face instead.
2007 - Going under the alias Ubaldo Jiminez, he's starting for the Colorado Rockies tonight.
Analyzing the People that Do the World Series Pre Game Show
Eric Byrnes - Holy shit this guy is fucking crazy! He's up here shouting about his team's resiliency! He wants you to know that there AREN'T ANY EGOS ON THE DIAMONDBACKS!!!!!!!!111 Eric Byrnes stole his haircut from the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Eric Byrnes thinks that somehow game 2 of the WORLD SERIES after being down 1-0 is not a must win.
Attractive female anchor with strange clothes - She is just barely holding on to the sanity of this group. She doesn't even know if it's a must win or if it's not!!
Kevin Kennedy - The anti-Eric Byrnes, I don't like him because of his silly mustache.
Also: I hope Vince Vaughn got paid A LOT for that baseball commercial.
Attractive female anchor with strange clothes - She is just barely holding on to the sanity of this group. She doesn't even know if it's a must win or if it's not!!
Kevin Kennedy - The anti-Eric Byrnes, I don't like him because of his silly mustache.
Also: I hope Vince Vaughn got paid A LOT for that baseball commercial.
Where are they now:
Tsuyoshi Shinjo
Remember that dude? Yeah he was pretty cool. Here is what the former Met outfielder is up to these days:
August 21 - Re-Signed with Seibu Lions. Played Rightfield last season. Batted .273 with 15 stolen bases.
September 2 - Married High School sweetheart -- 1996 Miss Kyoto, Kim Kimu-Kim.
September 19 - Successfully creates Cold Fusion. Angers Doc Ock.
October 1 - Buys Monkey. Awesome.
October 3 - Finishes first novel, I Don't Care if your Name is Mario, You can't Ride on my Back
October 25 - Kills Kaz Matsui, wears his jersey and tries to play as him in World Series. Nobody notices.
Remember that dude? Yeah he was pretty cool. Here is what the former Met outfielder is up to these days:
August 21 - Re-Signed with Seibu Lions. Played Rightfield last season. Batted .273 with 15 stolen bases.
September 2 - Married High School sweetheart -- 1996 Miss Kyoto, Kim Kimu-Kim.
September 19 - Successfully creates Cold Fusion. Angers Doc Ock.
October 1 - Buys Monkey. Awesome.
October 3 - Finishes first novel, I Don't Care if your Name is Mario, You can't Ride on my Back
October 25 - Kills Kaz Matsui, wears his jersey and tries to play as him in World Series. Nobody notices.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Those Witty ESPN Commenters
Wait a second... you're telling me that the guy who hit the game deciding grand slam might be a reason there's a game 7 tonight? Thank god for the featured comments.J.D. Drew showed his worth tonight ... he is a major part of the reason why there is a Game 7
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Guess who's Back, Back, Back? Back Again...
Vinny Testaverde!
Oh yeah bitches! Like David Spade's talk show, this guy comes back season after season, and no one knows why.
It was the Panthers this year, who signed the 1986 Heisman trophy winner to a 1-year contract. With Delhomme out on injury, and David Carr not showing up to practice, there is a legitimate chance this guy can see some action.
Now, this guy is turning 44 next month, not quite Julio Franco territory. And if that damn Morten Anderson is still hanging around, c'mon kickers don't count, he's not even the oldest in the NFL. But one more TD pass, and he can break his own record, 20 consecutive seasons, again.
Oh, and here's an awesome commercial summarizing his role on the Panters this year:
"What're you gonna do, bench me?" Ahh Vinny! You make me LOL!
Oh yeah bitches! Like David Spade's talk show, this guy comes back season after season, and no one knows why.
It was the Panthers this year, who signed the 1986 Heisman trophy winner to a 1-year contract. With Delhomme out on injury, and David Carr not showing up to practice, there is a legitimate chance this guy can see some action.
Now, this guy is turning 44 next month, not quite Julio Franco territory. And if that damn Morten Anderson is still hanging around, c'mon kickers don't count, he's not even the oldest in the NFL. But one more TD pass, and he can break his own record, 20 consecutive seasons, again.
Oh, and here's an awesome commercial summarizing his role on the Panters this year:
"What're you gonna do, bench me?" Ahh Vinny! You make me LOL!
Monday, October 8, 2007
I Love New York Season 2: Live Blog Episode One
In honor of the classiest show on television coming back for a second season, we're going to be live blogging tonight's debut episode. Cheers to hoping Miss New York and Momma York can find an acceptable man for the HBIC!
"Who's ready to fuck?"
9:40 - New York's mom has come to term with her fear of midgets! Regardless of what else happens I feel like we're all winners now.
9:41 - How did I miss out on the guy named Ears?
9:42 - All I'm really concerned about anymore is whether or not Midget Mac is going to stay. That guy can fart in my dinner any night (Chappelle joke, I know).
9:43 - LOL dancing monkeys.
9:45 - Can we get an over/under on the number of times she's going to say "feel me?"
9:47 - Wolf's big dick gets a chain. I love his fedora, by the way. Motherfucker looks like Sinatra.
9:48 - The longer this goes on the more I like looking at blowout guy.
9:49 - Blowout guy just played a fool!
9:49 - Mr. Boston II makes it to the second week, score.
9:50 - IT gets picked, I'm a little concerned about someone, man or woman, getting raped.
9:50 - They gave the racist black guy from those WaMu commercials a Hybrid commercial with kids. I'm a bit concerned about his influence on the youth of America.
9:51 - Switching over to the Yankee game for a second... down 6-1. I like it alot.
9:52 - Another Puffy sighting. This time he's wearing Biggie's skin over his body.
9:54 - Someone needs to give bandwagon guy a beatdown of the most severe nature.
9:55 - Come on Midget Mac... YES! He's safe for another week! But Sister Patterson is not liking this and, yes... he's doing the Soulja Boy! Crank it, baby.
9:56 - Paul Pierce-looking guy is not happy, among others.
9:57 - I'm thinking Tailor Made would make a really good douchey voiceover guy. He needs a good shot to the crotch.
9:58 - Previews for next week... and oh, we're looking beautiful.
9:59 - Oh Sweet Mother of Mary! CHANCE IS COMING BACK!
We're in for a fantastic season, my friends.
"Who's ready to fuck?"
9:00 - New York is talking to a psychiatrist. Jokes can't even be made for a situation like this. There's a hotel room with strange noises coming from it.
9:01 - New York reminisces about Tango and how he left her. Wrinkled therapist that looks like Madame Webb from Spiderman tells her to get on that horse, son!
9:02 - New intro! You KNOW you love New York!!!
9:03 - HOLY SHIT! ONE OF THE GUYS IS A MIDGET! All right I got that out of me. At least 20% percent of these guys got out on parole this morning. Ha she's laughing at the midget, I don't feel so terrible anymore.
9:04 - Scary cornrows man wants to "take a bite out of that ass." Good to see the female respect is there.
9:05 - Fan favorites! Is it just me, or are there mostly black guys here? HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of votes!!
9:05 - Time to meet New York's fake mom! She also laughs at the little person.
9:06 - New York's mom brings out some men of her own, all of whom have recently visited Karako Men's Warehouse.
9:07 - 7 minutes in and the alcohol comes out! This broke Rock of Love's record of 9 minutes.
9:07 - You know, Miss New York's mom, this little person stuff has got to stuff. Not even Cartman goes this far.
And we've reached our first commercial break!
9:09 - We've got a Puff Daddy sighting. He just stole the I Love New York 2 theme song and used it in his commercial.
9:12 - First nickname! We've got the Entertainer and he's already safe for the night.
9:13 - Buddah? Well, he's just THAT dreamy.
9:14 - This midget stuff is getting OUT of control! Midget Mac! Even he loves his midget status.
9:15 - ManMan? Twice the man, can't spell it once.
9:15 - 20 pack is stealing my boy's name. Also, he is clearly the gay one.
9:16 - The new Mr. Boston. He looks like the kid from The New Guy.
9:17 - You know, when the monkey lady starts making monkey jokes... things have gone too far.
9:17 - Wolf's got no shoes! No shoes!
9:17 - Here come the Momma's Boys. Why on Earth do Harvard Law Grads and former NFL Players want to get with New York? 3/1 odds they're not exactly legit.
9:18 - Cross dresser sighting!
9:19 - Tailor Made is trying to fight his fading glory of a haircut, failing miserably.
9:20 - We've reached the mixer! Last year this is where Mr. Boston and chance almost threw down!
9:20 - I'm already loving wolf, he wants us all to know his member is nothing to sneeze at.
9:21 - The closest thing resembling a guido at the party is making Miss New York yawn, his blowout haircut is amusing me.
9:22 - We're wondering if Midget Mac has got magical powers. By the end of the night he could be bursting out of someone's pee hole like Lep in Space.
Second commercial and New York is showing signs of getting tipsy, which means things are about to get violent.
9:27 - Midget Mac has his name embroidered on his hat. I'm starting to think he'd make a better couple with Verne Troyer than with New York.
9:28 - The Tony Parker looking guy (ah, Entertainer) may or may not be a child molester. We have our first Sister Patterson reference; where's the nunnery at?
9:30 - IT talks kinda like the Juggerna-- mother fucker he's licking her. He's high like he used Billy Bong Thorton.
9:31 - FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT... ah, no fists thrown as of yet.
In the previews, Sister Patterson tries to come to terms with her crippling fear of midgets.
9:34 - Lisa Williams just won the Biggest Douche in the Universe competition.
9:35 - Hey, is it just me or do New York's mom and New York look a little too close in age...?
9:36 - New York's breasts have become comically big. I think she's going to start getting pulled over towards the ground.
9:37 - Tailor Made has a troubling faux hawk going on, the madness has got to be stopped.
9:38 - New York is implying her breasts are real, as sounds of fighting rise in the back round.
9:01 - New York reminisces about Tango and how he left her. Wrinkled therapist that looks like Madame Webb from Spiderman tells her to get on that horse, son!
9:02 - New intro! You KNOW you love New York!!!
9:03 - HOLY SHIT! ONE OF THE GUYS IS A MIDGET! All right I got that out of me. At least 20% percent of these guys got out on parole this morning. Ha she's laughing at the midget, I don't feel so terrible anymore.
9:04 - Scary cornrows man wants to "take a bite out of that ass." Good to see the female respect is there.
9:05 - Fan favorites! Is it just me, or are there mostly black guys here? HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of votes!!
9:05 - Time to meet New York's fake mom! She also laughs at the little person.
9:06 - New York's mom brings out some men of her own, all of whom have recently visited Karako Men's Warehouse.
9:07 - 7 minutes in and the alcohol comes out! This broke Rock of Love's record of 9 minutes.
9:07 - You know, Miss New York's mom, this little person stuff has got to stuff. Not even Cartman goes this far.
And we've reached our first commercial break!
9:09 - We've got a Puff Daddy sighting. He just stole the I Love New York 2 theme song and used it in his commercial.
9:12 - First nickname! We've got the Entertainer and he's already safe for the night.
9:13 - Buddah? Well, he's just THAT dreamy.
9:14 - This midget stuff is getting OUT of control! Midget Mac! Even he loves his midget status.
9:15 - ManMan? Twice the man, can't spell it once.
9:15 - 20 pack is stealing my boy's name. Also, he is clearly the gay one.
9:16 - The new Mr. Boston. He looks like the kid from The New Guy.
9:17 - You know, when the monkey lady starts making monkey jokes... things have gone too far.
9:17 - Wolf's got no shoes! No shoes!
9:17 - Here come the Momma's Boys. Why on Earth do Harvard Law Grads and former NFL Players want to get with New York? 3/1 odds they're not exactly legit.
9:18 - Cross dresser sighting!
9:19 - Tailor Made is trying to fight his fading glory of a haircut, failing miserably.
9:20 - We've reached the mixer! Last year this is where Mr. Boston and chance almost threw down!
9:20 - I'm already loving wolf, he wants us all to know his member is nothing to sneeze at.
9:21 - The closest thing resembling a guido at the party is making Miss New York yawn, his blowout haircut is amusing me.
9:22 - We're wondering if Midget Mac has got magical powers. By the end of the night he could be bursting out of someone's pee hole like Lep in Space.
Second commercial and New York is showing signs of getting tipsy, which means things are about to get violent.
9:27 - Midget Mac has his name embroidered on his hat. I'm starting to think he'd make a better couple with Verne Troyer than with New York.
9:28 - The Tony Parker looking guy (ah, Entertainer) may or may not be a child molester. We have our first Sister Patterson reference; where's the nunnery at?
9:30 - IT talks kinda like the Juggerna-- mother fucker he's licking her. He's high like he used Billy Bong Thorton.
9:31 - FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT... ah, no fists thrown as of yet.
In the previews, Sister Patterson tries to come to terms with her crippling fear of midgets.
9:34 - Lisa Williams just won the Biggest Douche in the Universe competition.
9:35 - Hey, is it just me or do New York's mom and New York look a little too close in age...?
9:36 - New York's breasts have become comically big. I think she's going to start getting pulled over towards the ground.
9:37 - Tailor Made has a troubling faux hawk going on, the madness has got to be stopped.
9:38 - New York is implying her breasts are real, as sounds of fighting rise in the back round.
9:40 - New York's mom has come to term with her fear of midgets! Regardless of what else happens I feel like we're all winners now.
9:41 - How did I miss out on the guy named Ears?
9:42 - All I'm really concerned about anymore is whether or not Midget Mac is going to stay. That guy can fart in my dinner any night (Chappelle joke, I know).
9:43 - LOL dancing monkeys.
9:45 - Can we get an over/under on the number of times she's going to say "feel me?"
9:47 - Wolf's big dick gets a chain. I love his fedora, by the way. Motherfucker looks like Sinatra.
9:48 - The longer this goes on the more I like looking at blowout guy.
9:49 - Blowout guy just played a fool!
9:49 - Mr. Boston II makes it to the second week, score.
9:50 - IT gets picked, I'm a little concerned about someone, man or woman, getting raped.
9:50 - They gave the racist black guy from those WaMu commercials a Hybrid commercial with kids. I'm a bit concerned about his influence on the youth of America.
9:51 - Switching over to the Yankee game for a second... down 6-1. I like it alot.
9:52 - Another Puffy sighting. This time he's wearing Biggie's skin over his body.
9:54 - Someone needs to give bandwagon guy a beatdown of the most severe nature.
9:55 - Come on Midget Mac... YES! He's safe for another week! But Sister Patterson is not liking this and, yes... he's doing the Soulja Boy! Crank it, baby.
9:56 - Paul Pierce-looking guy is not happy, among others.
9:57 - I'm thinking Tailor Made would make a really good douchey voiceover guy. He needs a good shot to the crotch.
9:58 - Previews for next week... and oh, we're looking beautiful.
9:59 - Oh Sweet Mother of Mary! CHANCE IS COMING BACK!
We're in for a fantastic season, my friends.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Did you know...
Scott Shoeneweis had ball cancer?!?!
WTF? FTW? JKL;?
True Story. He's in the Testicular Cancer Hall of Fame
Oh, and all his shitty pitching this year, not his fault. It was the steroids. Yeah, that was Scott on steroids. He must have bought the cheap imitation stuff, like that cereal that comes in bags. Even Jose Canseco wouldn't claim Shoeneweis used the stuff. I guess he'll add this to his new book, Juiced 2: Extra Pulp.
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