Here it is, an entire football team roster made entirely of characters from your favorite Nicktoons. It's everything you ever hoped for. Offense:
QB - Chalky Studebaker (Doug) - Chalky was an easy choice for first pick. He, without a doubt, is the single greatest athlete in the Nicktoons universe. The swim team? Chalky is the swim team. Not only that, he also is the captain and quarterback of the school's football team. His only athletic loss came in the epic sit-up competition against Doug. Chalky is the solid leader that we shall build this team around.
WR - Gerald Johanssen (Hey Arnold!) - Although he never learned to ride a bike, Gerald is a gifted athlete. He has all the style and speed
needed in a wide receiver. Never one to shy away from attention, I'm looking for Gerald to be an explosive Captain who can pump up his team come game-time. Also, look for him to have some killer TD dances.
WR - Otto Rocket (Rocket Power) - If not for Chalky, Otto may be our star player. The greatest athlete in Ocean Shores, Otto isn't a three sport star, he's an every sport star. His creativity and agility in extreme sports should transfer nicely to the gridiron. He may be short, but we know he can jump. In fact, it is said he gets "mad air."
RB - Donnie Thornberry (The Wild Thornberries) - In a running back, you need someone who can make people miss, and no one is more slippery than Donnie Thornberry. Raised in the wild, this kid can run, jump, climb, spin, and escape from anything. Plus, just imagine getting trash-talked by this guy.
FB - Ernie Potts (Hey Arnold!) - Who better to clear the way for Donnie than a wrecking ball operator. Ernie is ugly and mean, perfect for this blocking position. His short temper may have gotten him into trouble in the boarding house, but on the field it will only intimidate defenses. His 500 career demolitions should translate to career pancake-blocks in no time.
TE - Spike (Rugrats) - Choosing a great TE is all about creating match-up problems. Well who would be harder to cover than a freaking dog? Some may not believe a canine could play, but obviously these people have never seen Air Bud: Golden Receiver. Spike has proven himself with his performance with the Frisbee in the park. He is certainly the real deal.
LT - Krumm (Aaahh!!! Real Monsters) - Krumm is big and stinky and will fit perfectly on the offensive line. His training in scaring humans will work righteously against opposing defenses. Also, with his infinite vision possibilities, he cannot be caught blindsided, and will always catch blitzing corners. Just don't ask how he's going to wear a helmet.
LG - Heffer Wolfe (Rocko's Modern Life) - The 400 pound cow has always been loyal to Rocko, and will show the same protective instincts for his quarterback. Known for his love of sausages, this guy is nimbler than he seems. As seen with this roller skating abilities, his quick and agile feet will keep blitzing linemen at bay.
C - Sam Dullard (Rocket Power) - Squid may be the least athletic of the Rocket gang, but there is one sport where he shines above all others. Yes, he is the greatest Hockey Goalie in Ocean Shores, and his blocking abilities should make him a trusty center. He has the stocky body preferred in this role, and will be the needed brains of this O-Line.
RG - Really Really Big Man (Rocko's Modern Life) - What can you say, he is really, really big. His incredible strength will have him pancaking blitzers two at a time. His magic chest hairs, and future-seeing nipples will also find a role on the field. At times, however, RRBM is known to lose control of his strength. Hopefully this does not cause any conflict on the field.
RT - Phil DeVille (Rugrats) - Phil may be small for a lineman, but he is not afraid to get down and dirty. Always in the mud, bad weather will be this toddler's greatest ally. He always had Tommy's back, and his QB Chalky shall fall under his wing as well. Of course, he will have to be lining up against his D-Line playing sister.Defense:
MLB - Betty DeVille (Rugrats) - Betty is lean and mean and ready to lay the smack down. Don't be confused by the woman symbol on her shirt, there is little feminine about this mom. The biggest football fan in town, she'll know how to lead her defense. She dominates her wimpy husband Harold like she'll dominate opposing quarterbacks.
LOLB - Harold Berman (Hey Arnold!) - Harold is the school bully and is not afraid to jack up some wussies. He might seem immature at times, but he's had his Bar-Mitzvah and now this man is ready to play the game. The misshapen tooth? Didn't hold Michael Strahan back, and won't stop the Berman either. His name is Berman! He'll be perfect!
ROLB - Ickis (Aaahh!!! Real Monsters) - Now, I know Ickis may seem too small, or too weak to be an effective run-stopper and pass-rusher, but this kid has heart. His secret weapon will be his scare tactic: his ability to grow ten times his size. Of course his 3'6" frame is too small, but as soon as that quarterback calls 'hike', there's no getting by this real monster.
DT - Cliff (CatDog) - The leader of the Greaser Dogs takes no prisoners on the D-Line. Badass in his leather jacket, he will sack quarterbacks, and chew on their leg afterwards. He may be a sensitive guy on the inside, but on the field he has a reputation to protect. Probably will be a cancer in the locker room, but his natural ability should make up for it.
DE - Grandma Gertrude (Hey Arnold!) - Pookie doesn't mess around. Some say she's past her prime at 82 years old, but I say this crafty veteran has yet to peak. She's wild and unpredictable, and totally kicks-ass in Karate. She'll be underestimated every game, only giving her the underdog mentality pro-athletes strive under.
DT - Ed Bighead (Rocko's Modern Life) - Undoubtedly the cruelest character O-Town, his grittiness is made for football. Always angry and breaking into Rocko's yard, he will not have to adjust his game much on the line. His cockiness may be a problem, as we all remember his ego problem while bowling. However, his hatred of everyone should do him good.
DE - Lil DeVille (Rugrats) - A little girl like Lil playing football? Of course. If her mother is any example of her future, she'll be even better than her brother. They will be lining up against each other on the line, and this sibling rivalry will reach new heights. She does not have to be good against every blitzer, just keep her brother at bay. Their fights were always close, so this one should be fun to watch.
CB - Roger Klotz (Doug) - Plenty of people are lean and mean, but are they also green? Roger Klotz is. Relentless in his torment of Doug, he won't let wide receivers get away with anything. Watch out for some dirty play in his 5-yard bumps. On the field his joy of hurting others finally pays off, and he may have found his niche as a blitzing corner.
CB - Twister Rodriguez (Rocket Power) - What an athlete, it's a shame he is overshadowed by his freak of a best friend. He's just as quick and agile, and has the same ridiculous vertical leap. As a cornerback he will never have the star-power Otto will at wide receiver, but playing second fiddle is nothing new to this loyal teammate.
SS - Susie Carmichael (Rugrats) - Don't worry, she's black, she'll do fine.
FS - Reggie Rocket (Rocket Power) - Yup, I'm going with two females in my secondary. But Reggie isn't any girl, she's a beast of a woman. She defines Tomboy, and can keep up with the boys in anything. At free safety she will add some creative flair to this defense. Also, as editor of her own 'zine, watch out for this girl to blossom into a star on and off the field.Special Teams:
P - Chuckie Finster (Rugrats) - Chuckie is a shy kid, and would not be able to handle the pressure of offense or defense, and definitely not as a place kicker. As a punter, he'll be far enough from the action, and protected by "roughing the kicker" penalties. He's got some leg, and with his loyalty, even Jeff Feagles' record is within sight.
K - Doug Funnie (Doug) - Doug is a kicker, it's a known fact. While messing around in gym class, Coach Spitz (voiced by Jeff Garcia) spots him and his amazing leg. He is not consistent, but his power is undeniable. As soon as he signs a shoe deal, and gets his Sky Davis Inflatable Air Jet, he'll be fine. Just remember, "the shoe doesn't count!"
KR - Tommy Pickles (Rugrats) - Tommy is resourceful and creative. His low stature and quick decision making will give him the ability to make people miss. Always exciting to watch, he will bring this explosiveness on to the field. His big returns will not only give the offense great field position, but inspire them. However, being severely pigeon-toed may be a problem.Coaching Staff -
Offensive Coordinator - Stu Pickles (Rugrats) - Who better to come up with an unpredictable playbook than the greatest inventor in Nick history (Jimmy Neutron sucks). His toys don't always work, but the idea is what matters. With a team like this, execution will not be a problem. Stu will put this team "on the map."
Defensive Coordinator - The Gromble (Aaahh!!! Real Monsters) - A great defense is all about intimidation. The Gromble is the scare master, and will construct the most feared defense in the league. After spending a few practices at The Monster Academy, this team will be ready to rip any offense to pieces. He will be haunting quarterback's dreams for sure.
Head Coach - Mr. Lamar Bone (Doug) - Mr. Bone is tough, scary, and demanding. Just the way of football coach ought to be. The Rulemeister's practices may be tough, but he no doubt will prepare his team for the big game. He's proud of his accomplishments, example: his trophy that gets stolen, and would love to add a Lombardi Trophy to his cabinet. Also look for some of the greatest post-game coach tirades from this guy.
General Manager - Charlotte Pickles (Rugrats) - Charlotte Pickles gets things done. No deal is too big, no contract demand too ridiculous. She can negotiate with the best of them, and no hot-shot player will be able to stand up to her fierceness. Also, she'll always have her man-bitch Jonathan to get her her coffee and anything else she asks for.
Announcer - Nigel Thornberry (The Wild Thornberries) - The Tim Curry voice is perfect. After narrating wildlife documentaries for years, he may have trouble adjusting to the change of setting. However, listen for some great metaphors comparing linebackers to the endangered white rhino and running backs likened to East Amazon howler monkeys.
Owner - Mr. Bluff (Doug) - The richest man in town has to be the owner of this proud franchise. Known for his incredible wealth, and tendency to name things after himself, look for the team to soon be playing in the BluffDome. This Steinbrenner-esque ego will be perfect for the team, as he signs players from opposing leagues such as Cartoon Network, or even Disney's Wide World of Sports.
Well there you have it. Every position accounted for. Hope you liked it, and look for the games to be shown every Sunday and NICK GAS, and NICKTOONS TV.
