In an epic Battle at Hyrule Temple, the former MLB outfielder takes on the F-Zero racer. The two meet and exchange taunts...Captain Falcon: Falcon Punch!!!
Raul Mondesi: Raul... Bunt?
Raul is still confused on how he became trapped in this virtual world, and also still wants to know why the Dodgers traded him in 1999. No time for that now, the fight commences!
Raul: Holy fuck, this guy can run fast. Maybe if I pick up this red and white ball plastic ball thing that fell next to me, I can throw it at him and knock him out. I did lead the league in outfield assisted outs in 2001.
Raul thows the Pokeball at Falcon. Falcon jumps out of the way, laughing at the amateur move by Mondesi. The ball also goes off the edge of the map, wasting any hope Mondesi had.
Raul: Alright that's just not fair. He jumped, did like 3 frontflips, and landed on this two-story roof. My 30-30 ass is toast.
Falcon starts to have fun with the visibly disturbed Mondesi. He picks up a fire-flower and chases the former Blue Jay around the level. When Raul has almost completely lost hope, a gift from above raises his spirits.
Raul: OhmygodOhmygodOhmygod! Wait, what's this? A bat? An actual wooden baseball bat? Thank you Master Hand! I know what I can do with this, I hit 88 RBIs with one of these bad-boys in 1996.
With this newfound confidence, Raul starts doing damage to the Galaxy's best bounty hunter. He's beating him all-around the level, and gets him near the edge, but no, Falcon is too quick. He jumps quickly and delivers a momentum-shifting blow...
Captain Falcon: Falcon Kick!
The kick knocks the bat out of his hand, and the bat vanishes into smoke...
Raul: NOOO! Oh no, without my bat I'm nothing! And how the hell did it just, like, vaporize like that? Whatever, oh shit, he's doing something....
As Raul is crawling backwards, Falcon loads up to deliver his final hit. The dazed Mondesi can only watch as...
Captain Falcon: FALCON PUNCH!!!
Raul: Aaahhhh! Buuuyy myyy caaarrds ooonnn eeebbaaayyy!
The Battle is over, the one true winner as emerged. Raul is forced to go back to the Domican Republic, where he enjoys helping children and stealing electricity. Falcon remains and anxiously awaits the release of SSB Brawl on March 9th like the rest of us. For now, he stands proudly, admiring his hard-fought victory.
Captain Falcon: Show your moves!
1 comment:
I absolutely loved this until you put "WHO YA GOT." We are not Gorilla Mask.
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