Other Things Manny Ramirez Didn't Do

I didn't kill nobody.

I didn't rape nobody.

I didn't steal no candy from no baby.

I didn't try to exterminate no large group of people in no mass genocide.

I didn't get no country stuck in a never-ending war with no middle-eastern nation.

I didn't break your Butterfinger bar or nothing.

I dind't start no internet campaign to elect no minor leaguers or steroid users to no all-star game.

I didn't tarnish my image or nothing.

I didn't get suspended from the game for very long or nothing.

I did, however, ruin some peoples Fantasy Baseball teams.  For that, I apologize profusely.

Kobe Bryant takes "Manny Defense" to deny Steroid use

"Hey, I didn't kill nobody. I didn't rape nob- Oh, actually, wait a second..."

I Love Cheese! I Put Provolone in My Socks at Night So They Smell Like Your Sister's [Sports Ticker] in the Morning!

-The Orioles have asked Vice President Joe Biden to throw out the first pitch today. Due to their lack of pitching, he will also throw the following 99 pitches.

-I am not going to make a joke about Brett Myers and potential continued domestic abuse after his getting shelled last night. That would be inappropriate.

-There's a category on Sports Center called "Unhappy Coach," which I think is the title of the new Mitch Albom book.


-Jay Cutler asks Bears to paint his locker black in order to "reflect the gloomy forecast of [his] soul."

-Report: Donte Stallworth "alarmed" to learned that manslaughter means murder and does not refer to a manwhich type barbeque dish.

-Michael Jordan elected to Basketball Hall of Fame, narrowly misses induction to Baseball Hall of Fame.

That's Not a Fortune!

From the inside of a fortune cookie: "It's fun being a kid."

I expect my fortune cookies to tell me that an attractive stranger is going to rub my feet, not something like that.

People Who Spin Me Right Round, Baby, Right Round, Like a Record Baby, Right Round

You.

Words I Can't Spell

1. Chaffeur