He came, He saw, He sat on the bench.

So the day finally came. July 21, 2007, the day American sports will be changed forever. Of, course, as a sports writer, I felt it was my duty to watch the game live on ESPN. So as soon as I tuned in, I was looking for our man Becks, and just wondering how long until he scores with a magical kick that bends around defenders. All I had to do was look to the "BeckhamCam," and there he was. Sitting on the bench. Thats right, not only did he not start, but he didn't even come in until the 78th minute. I thought this guy was supposed to be the best in the world,
and he doesn't even start on an MLS team?

Well, we all still watched him, there on the bench, playing with his shoes, talking to his teammates, there are other people on his team if you didn't know. Oh, and at the 65th minute when he got up to stretch and jog around, he got a standing ovation from the fans at the Home Depot Center. He ended up touching the ball about 3 times, and he got totally owned when a Chelsea player slide tackled the shit out of him.

Then, deep into injury time, the Galaxy, you know, the team he's on, got a corner kick. This would be an excellent last chance scoring opportunity, and of course the gave the ball to David. This is what the country has been waiting for, seeing that famous bend. He kicked it....and it got blocked. The Galaxy lost 1-0, and soccer has not changed a bit. Afterwards, all I could do was curse ESPN, the Galaxy, and David Beckham, for not entertaining me.

You say goodbye, I say WTF.

Hallelujah! Our Savior has arrived!

David Beckham arrived in the US on Friday, and everything changed. Oh? It didn't? You didn't feel the very planet shake when his foot first touched American soil? Well maybe not yet, but here are what may happen in the coming weeks:

- Beck's first MLS game, July 21st on ESPN, breaks ratings records. Watched by nearly 40 million households, ESPN decides to take advantage of his popularity. ESPN Classic changes to Beckham Classic. Baseball Tonight is now Soccer Tonight, and for some reason John Kruk is still an analyst. Also, a reality show is created documenting David Beckham's journey's through the local Pathmark, and his struggle in selecting the perfect toilet tissue.

- David Beckham trips over his Personal Cameraman when jogging on to the field for the first time. Becks breaks his leg, tears and ACL, and is out indefinitely. After being carried out on a stretcher, the 40,000 fans that attended the game all walk out of the stadium and the match is played with only two fans remaing, the guy who sells hot dogs, and a 14 year old girl who mistakenly thought all the spice girls would show up.

- Much like when Reggie Jackson came to New York, a candy is made for David Beckham. Hershey comes out with a bag of chocolate covered peanuts with chocolate sprinkles. The package of candy's is called Beckham's Sack. Young women eat-up the candy, despite it tasting like total balls.

Of course, the mostly likely thing that will happen after Beck's arrival:

- Absolutely nothing.