Many years ago, someone thought it would be a good idea to place 10 seconds of a song as each hitter on the home team came to bat. The conversation went something like this:
Guy 1: You know how we have tons of bad music blaring out of giant speakers at all time during our games?
Guy 2: Uh, YEAH, it's awesome.
Guy 1: I know, I totally agree. But what if we have even more music and let each player pick his own music!
Guy 2: Genius! Now let's smash each other's heads with hammers!
But if we have to have the music, let's at least be honest about it...
Silly Jerry, you're supposed to manage, not hit! (Photo from nytimes.com)
Angel Pagan
Song he should have: "Thundercat Freestyle" by Inspectah Deck
Inspectah Deck is an awesome lyricist but maybe the most under-appreciated member of the Wu-Tang Clan. He's effective without being featured very often, just like Pagan had a WAR of 2.8 last year in only 88 games without getting much love. Also, though I am basing this on absolutely nothing, they were both friends with the Ol' Dirty Bastard, which counts for something.
Alex Cora
Song he should have: "Rockstar" by Nickelback
With most popular rock bands, I can at least enjoy them as background music while I'm doing something else, like when I'm saving elderly people from burning buildings. But Nickelback, like Cora's negative .1 WAR last year, actually takes away from my general life experience and makes me hate everything a little more. Just having listened to the song for five seconds so I could copy the link has got my ears all funky.
David Wright
Song he should have: "Cyanide" by Metallica
After a great start to his career, like Metallica's "Ride the Lightning," "Master of Puppets," and "Kill 'Em All," Wright had his worst full season last year, posting career lows in SLG, UZR, WAR, despite an extremely high BABIP of .394. Metallica had an awful stretch including "Load," ReLoad," and "St. Anger." Jesus, those were terrible. But they came back, seemingly out of nowhere, with the awesome "Death Magnetic," just like Wright started off his season with a home run after a big power drought last year. So this one's more hopeful than actual truth but I need to stay away from the ledge as a Mets fan so bare with me.
Jason Bay
Song he should have: "Light My Fire" by The Doors
A really good song by a really good band, but no one's going "Oh my god, Light my Fire!" when it comes on the radio. Also, a bit vanilla and boring, very safe for old people.
Mike Jacobs
Song he should have: "Hammer Smashed Face" by Cannibal Corpse
This song will grow hair on your chest after it makes you poop your pants, but is really only good for massive, raw power. A real battering ram to the face. Just don't expect it to try to get a lame walk to first, buddy.
Jeff Francoeur
Song he should have: "Walk" by Pantera
As in, it's never going to happen. But he seems like a guy who can take a joke (based on all my time in the clubhouse, you see), so maybe this will shame him into taking some more pitches, as he did walk in three straight games to start the year. And just like Pantera was awesome, Francoeur did post a WAR of 3.7 in 2007, so maybe we can assume the assness of his negative 1.2 WAR in 2008 is not going to happen again.
Rod Barajas
Song he should have: "Temporary Secretary" by Paul McCartney
Both are very far down on the list of things you would pick in their respective categories, and like the song says, neither is going to be here for long. Just smile and nod and pretend you get it and wait until it's over, or at least until Josh Thole's ready.
Ruben Tejada
Song he should have: "Everyday Struggle" by The Notorious B.I.G.
For two reasons: watching him struggle to play hurts me, and when Reyes gets back he'll be struggling to get playing time. And Reyes will be totally healthy this time. Maybe. Probably not. How about day-to-day for the next five months? Very comforting.
Song he should have: "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen
Lots and lots of nonstop excellence, unless you have an elbow injury, or contract HIV.
Jerry Manuel
Song he should have: "confused puppy" by some guy on YouTube.
Yeah that about sums up Jerry. "You see, uh... the canine... appears to... uh... be uncertain of its surroundings."
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