Why We Reject Advanced Statistical Analysis

You have to understand, son, there's something poetic about the game of baseball. Here's a game where you have to take a cylindrical bat and a round ball and stand 60 feet, six inches away from a man who's going to hurl it in front of you. And you have to hit that squarely, see? Hit it where they ain't and cause havoc on the basepaths.

Now, we don't want you up there looking to get a walk. You ever heard the saying about what singles hitters drive? Same type of situation. Get up there and be a slugger, a real five tooler.

We can measure these things with our eyes, boy. Some people may tell you you're not selling jeans, but there's a certain look that the good ones have. Something behind the eyes. A cold determination, you see. It's about men who can buckle down and shut out the outside world.

Now, don't get me wrong, son. We need some kind of tangible evidence to determine exactly what our boys are doing up there. We got those numbers, though. You ever heard of a triple crown? Homeruns, RBIs, and batting average. That tells you about everything you need to know, don't' it? Power, hitting, helping the team score. There's a beautiful simplicity to it.

Now some people are going to tell you you need fancy stats, all sorts of words that don't mean nothing. VORP? Gimme a break. We had our old stats since the 1800's! And they're gonna tell me they're the geniuses that are gonna do it all different and make it better? Bunch of eggheads. Probably never smelled the grass of a baseball team.

Why, I met one fella last week who told me that Ben Zobrist was one of the best players in baseball. Now, Zobrist ain't a bad player, but one of the best? He's no Derek Jeter. You see the way the captain stands in at the box. That's what a real hitter looks like.