Superintendent: Hello everyone, and welcome to a location that is not our high school library!
Audience: Here here! Har har!
Superintendent: Settle down, now, and just raise your right hand to ask a question or your left hand to receive a complimentary hot dog. I'd like to get a report from the president of the board of education.
Board President: Mr. Superintendent, I come to you with nothing but wonderful news. None of our kids have are doing drugs or having unprotected sex, and parental satisfaction, according to a poll on our extremely efficient and in no way outdated website, is at an all-time high of 102 percent!
Superintendent: Wow! You get a raise. In fact, every school employee gets a raise. And the state has decided to pay into your amazing health or retirements plans 100 percent and on a permanent basis!
Board President: I would just like to know that I still find this job exciting and am in no way bitter toward any of the taxpayers in this room.
Parent: I have a question that is relevant, well-informed, and I will not shout or cry for the duration of my statement.
Superintendent: Wonderful, that makes 245 of those kind of questions consecutively.
Parent: Is there any way we could add some more teachers to improve our teacher to student ratio? I feel that one teacher to 10 children is obscene and that our children can't learn in that environment.
Superintendent: Well, based on our excellent negotiations during the last collective bargaining agreement and our smart investments in the stock market during a difficult economic time, we have millions of dollars in surplus money. To answer your question: absolutely! We'll add ten new qualified teachers who finished at the top of their class.
Parent: Thank you, your answering my question allows me to continue working under the delusion that I am making a difference in my community!
Superintendent: Well I think this has been a very efficient meeting, does anyone have a problem if we adjourn after only 27 minutes?
Board President: Let's all go get some beers!
::Everyone claps and laughs. Hooray!::
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