Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Inside the Mets Clubhouse, Again


Jerry Manuel: Men that was uhhhhhhhh a great uhhhhhh win... out there today. We uhhhhh really played.... well I guess you could uh... say.... WELL. We played well. I'm uhhhhhh proud of the uhhhh job you guys did out there uhhhhh on this particular afternoon. Do any of you uhhhh have any.... words uhhhhh to say?

David Wright: Guys, I'm really proud of what we did out there today. A lot of people doubted us coming into the season, but I think today was a great step in the right direction. We just need to loud crash outside the clubhouse what was that?

Steve Phillips: THAT WAS SOME GREAT BASEBALL OUT THERE TODAY, BOYS!

Manuel: Uh... Mr. Phillips uhhhhhhh... you were released from your uhhhhh duties... several years ago.

Phillips: Are you talking about that Minaya guy? Looks like his green card expired, 'cause I sent him back to the Dominican! OH BABY!

Sean Green: Dude he's a legal U.S. citizen, you can't do that.

Phillips: I can do whatever I want, I drafted David Wright! Remember David? Do you remember our courtship? My phone calls?

Wright: Uh, not really.

Phillips: We forget you anyway, David! Point is, now, I've made some mistakes in my life. Cheating on my wife with coworkers and spewing horribly misinformed baseball analysis, I mean... I just feel awful about all of that. So I'm finally coming back from my leave of absence from the Mets to be the general manager AND manager! I'm back, boys!

Jose Reyes: No no no no no no no no no, this is not good.

Rod Barajas: What's the big deal, man? He seems like a fun guy.

Reyes: You have no idea what it used to be like. This is very bad.

Phillips: Jose you will shut your mouth or I will rip out your thyroid and hyper-activate it for you! First order of business: bring me your wife!

Reyes: Goddam it, not this again.

Phillips: Things are going to change around here, boys, so get ready for a winning culture!

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