Sam: Ah, finally going to a contender again. I really liked some of those guys on the Clippers, especially Eiffel Tower Tuesdays (Kaman knows what I'm talkin' about!), but it was definitely time for a change. I think I can really help run the offense with three barely past their prime superstars. But ever since I got out of LA, people have been acting a bit strange around me... ahem, stewardess, can I get a Bloody Mary, please?
Stewardess: Absolutely, sir, coming right-- OH MY GOD!
Sam: What! Is there a problem, miss?
Stewardess: It's just... your face. Never mind, sir, enjoy your drink!
[Stewardess quickly walks away]
Sam: Man, this is getting more and more bizarre! What's wrong with my face, anyway?
[Flash forward to Sam inside Celtics GM Danny Ainge's office]
Ainge: Sam, we're very excited to have you sign this deal; we think you can make a big difference running the offense. There's just one little clause we included that we'd like you to look over.
Sam: Clause? Sure, I'll take a look. Sam Cassell, due to the sheer ferocity of his alien-like face, must wear a... wear a WHAT?
when he is not on the court. What kind of bull you tryin' to pull here, Ainge?Ainge: Sam, studies show that 67% of children experience temporary insomnia after being exposed to your face for even five seconds. I'm all about protecting the people here, Sam.
Sam: You've got a point, I guess. As long as I'm finally accepting my face, the only way I'm signing this is if you sign Tyrone Hill--
to be my personal assistant at all times, in order to offset my ugly.Ainge: It's a done deal, Sam!
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