Thursday, March 13, 2008

Report: Giants to Have Open Battle for Starting QB Position


"Got any tape? 'CAUSE I'M RIPPED.

CANYON OF HEROES, NYC -- In a totally unexpected move, Giants coach Tom Coughlin has stated that there will be an open battle for the starting quarterback spot between Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning and first round bust David Carr, recently signed to a one year, one million dollar contract. "As you all know, Eli has been inconsistent in his four years on the Giants," said Coughlin. "We know that by bringing a true veteran presence like David in, we could finally have the solution at the quarterback position."

Manning was incensed when he found out about Coughlin's words, saying "David Carr? What! Quarterback controversy! I just won the Super Bowl, for Big Bob Pataki's sake! He had more interceptions than touchdowns last year! It's like I can't do anything good enough to get respect for more than a week in this city."

I managed to catch up with Tiki Barber, who had some interesting comments about Eli. "Eli? What a clown. That kid sucks. Let me tell you a little something about Eli that should make up your mind: I once saw him buy vanilla pudding instead of chocolate. True story. Not only should he not be starting, I wouldn't let that punk be my waterboy. I just feel like"-- Michael Strahan suddenly stormed into the room. Why aren't we focusing on me? Big Michael Strahan, owner of the single season sacks record? I held out of training camp last year! That's the reason we won the Superbowl!"

When asked for comment, David Carr drooled, giggled, and said "footbawwwww."

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