I'm Sure This Is How Dickens Meant It

ESPN'S Tristan Cockcroft (if that is your real name) recently wrote this piece of brilliance:

"In 23 games from Aug. 9-Sept. 6, Rick Ankiel batted .358 with nine home runs, 29 RBIs, 22 runs scored and a 1.174 OPS.

It was the worst of times …

In 24 games from Sept. 7-30, Ankiel batted .220 with two home runs, 10 RBIs, nine runs scored and a .580 OPS.

Certainly seems like a tale of two seasons for Mr. Ankiel, does it not?"

I know you're probably on a tight deadline and looking for something interesting to start off the column, but quoting A Tale of Two Cities in a baseball column? Weak sauce, sir.