Norman Chad: Here we are Lon, and some may say that interest has gone down since the "Poker Boom" of the early 2000s, but I say... well nobody listens to me anyway.
Lon: Ha, oh Norman. Well as we move back into our feature table, we see that Jamie Gold is once again our chip leader!
Norm: Man that guy is a douchebag.
Lon: Right you are Norm, we can only hope that needle dick can blow his lead.
Norm: With only 40 people left in the tournament, Jamie now has almost 50% of the chips in play!
Lon: Well you must remember, only 45 people actually entered this thing.
Norm: 45? I've had more ex-wives!
Lon: I know, Norm. You have some serious commitment issues that need professional help.
Norm: Did I mention Phil Hellmuth is currently in 5th place! Although all the other professionals have retired from the WSOP after Doyle Brunson died and called the tournament "Super Gay" in his will, Phil has decided to keep playing in order to win more bracelets.
Lon: That and he stole all of Todd's inheritance.
Norm: Sure do love Phil Hellmuth, Lon!
- Commercial Break -
Miller Lite Commercials now have even larger beer cans that crush entire countries when they make "non-manly" moves. Here, Austria is crushed for it's involvement in The Sound of Music.
Lon: And we're back! We skipped ahead, being as that we only get a half hour of air time on ESPN2 now, and are down to our final two!
Norman: Finally the moment we've all been waiting for. The only big names in the tournament, Hellmuth and Gold, have both been eliminated, and it looks like the bracelet will either go to some quiet old guy, or some annoying asshole just out of college.
Lon: This sucks, now we're gonna have one of these dickheads on the PokerStars commercials for the next year.
Norman: You know my ex-wife took away my PokerStars account. She took everything in the divorce, including my manhood...
Lon: Norman no one cares about your fuckin' problems! No one cares about this fuckin' tournament! What the fuck! The Pot is $43,000! I took a shit and sold it for more than that! Fuck this, I'm going back to announcing the Scrabble world championhsips.
Norman: ... and it's a three! Looks like Johnny McFucknut is the winner! I hate my life!
1 comment:
"sure do love pumpkins, cotton."
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