Arthur Blank: Thanks for sitting down with me, Pete. As I'm sure you know, we've had an incredibly difficult season here in Atlanta. First it was Michael and the dogfighting, then Petrino -THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!! ehm, sorry about that- just decided to leave us in the middle of the season.
Pete Carroll: I totally understand, Mr. Blank. Though we had a great season at USC, capped off with a dominating Rose Bowl victory, I feel as if the time has come for me to come back into the NFL. I think that the Falcons are a talented team, and that with some good coaching and drafting, we could make a playoff run next year. I do have some requests, however.
Blank: Please, I'm more than willing to negotiate.
Carroll: Fantastic. I'm looking to make a long term commitment, so we're going to have to come together on nothing less than a 22 year contract.
Blank: My goodness, Pete, that's fantastic! I'm glad to see your dedication.
Carroll: Good, I'm glad we're understanding each other on that. Now, if there's anything I've learned from other college coaches who tried to make it in the NFL, it's that as soon as the going gets tough, you get the hell out of there. So, I've got a number of other conditions:
1. If more than one player in a given week says something negative to the media, I'm out.
2. If we lose three games in a row, or more, I have the right to terminate my contract.
3. If any player is ever late for practice or a team meeting, I will cut him and then leave the team permanently.
How do we feel about that, Mr. Blank?
Blank: Pete... I really thought you would be dedicated to this team. I thought you wanted to stick it out with us through the hard times and make the Falcons a perennial contender.
Carroll: I do, Mr. Blank. Well, I guess I don't. I want to win, sir!
Blank: Get the hell out of my office.
Carroll: But, Mr. Blank!
Blank: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!!!
[Carroll leaves, Blank sobs gently into a handkerchief.]
Blank: Christine, please send in Steve Spurrier.
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