It's Bigger than We All Thought

[On the set of The Sports Reporters] Mike Lupica: And so... another tough loss for the Knicks... maybe if they can pull... together... no, no more. Fuck this shit. This team is a bag of ass shat directly out of Julio Franco's lower intestine. Fuck you, Isiah. Look what you've done... LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!!!!!!! [Lupica given a sedative, taken away on a stretcher]

[Darth Sidious turns off the television] Darth Sidious: Good... good. You have done well, my young apprentice. The entire media has turned against the New York Knickerbockers, we have almost finished them. Describe once more how you've slowly destroyed one of basketball's most storied franchises.

Isiah Thomas: It was all too easy, master. Almost immediately upon arriving as team president, I traded for the most cancerous player I could find: Marbury. I went so far as to give them false hope, making the playoffs in my first year. Any thought of further improvement was soon squashed, however. The number of ridiculous contracts that I brought in is unrivaled! Malik Rose, Jerome James, Jamal Crawford, Penny Haradaway, Jalen Rose, and Steve Francis! I am not a bad general manager, I am a historically bad general manager! The transformation of the Knicks from the Riley/Van Gundy Era is complete!

Darth Sidious: Not quite yet. I have heard rumblings that David Stearn is considering shutting down the Knicks for good because you've made them such an embarrassment. There is one thing left to do, and the destruction of this team will be complete: Make David Lee, our lone bright spot, a selfish and dirty player. Have him make trouble at a strip club, whatever it takes! When this is complete, we can finally kill the puppet James Dolan.

[Evil cackles]