Wednesday, November 7, 2007

A-Rod: Universal Bitch

The following conversation took place during Game 4 of the World Series. On stage in this edition of A-Rod: Universal Bitch are Scott Boras and Alex.

Alex: Scott, do you really think announcing that I'm opting out during a World Series game is a good idea?

Boras: Please, Alex, Mister Scott. And yes, you little pansy, this is how we're going to do it. I want to give those Yankees a good shot to the crotch when they least expect it, while simultaneously pissing off the Red Sox.

Alex: All right... if you say so. Don't you think this is going to make people dislike me even more? I mean, I once slapped the frikking ball out of that silly man who throws the ball's hand.

Boras: Could you please be a man and say "fuck" for once?

Alex: Eek! Mr. Scott, please don't offend my delicate ears in such a way! I just had them waxed?

Boras: You wax your ears, you girly man? I've heard enough, I'm going to have sex with your wife tonight.

Alex: Again?! You just had your way with her Saturday! She showed me the video. I really wish that you wouldn't do the Reverse Cowgirl on her.

Boras: Alex, that's a man's sex position. Just let that thought go from now, my bitch. I'm going to make you richer than Dante Bichette after he robbed that armored car!

Alex: Okey dokey! That means I can buy more of that sexy Derek Jeter perfume, right?

Boras: Uh... yeah, whatever, I guess. Alex, I want you to lay down on the ground, I'm going to put a golf tee in your mouth and hit a ball off it like in... in... what movie was that in?

Alex: Legally Blonde?

Boras: No, you queen! The Mask! That guy was such a badass.

Alex: My wife doesn't let me watch PG-13 movies, Mr. Scott.

Boras: Ha, oh yeah, she told me about that mid-moan on Saturday.

Alex: Whatever, sir, I wish you'd stop talking about my wife's No-No Zone.

Boras: That's because you're a bitch, Alex. Now go to the John Heyman you're opting out!

How will Alex handle opting out? Find out soon!


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

bro... taking things a little too seriously

Anonymous said...

That first guy makes me sad to be a Yankees fan.

Anonymous said...

If someone defending a Yankee makes u sad to be a Yankees fan then u arent a true Yankees fan

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