Inside the Huddle with Jon Kitna

Kitna: Ok, guys, we're gonna run a Don't-have-sex-before-marriage Stretch 25 Left.

Kevin Jones: Jon, can we stop with this preachy bullshit? It's really starting to wear on the team. Hell, half of us converted to Islam last week, so we don't really appreciate your beliefs.

Kitna: I suppose I can forgive you, Kevin, you clearly have not seen the light yet. As the Lord says of Job in Job 2:8, "Have you noticed my servant Job, and that there is no one on earth like him, blameless and upright, fearing God and avoiding evil?"

Calvin Johnson: ...So you're like Job?

Kitna: Exactly! All right, BREAK! Set...

Kitna gets flagged for a delay of game penalty.

Kitna: Whoa, Mr. Referee, can we be reasonable here? I was just informing my barbarous teammates--

Ed Hochuli: Shut the FUCK up and get back in the huddle you little Christian pansy! I am this close to ripping off your nose and sticking it up my ass as a butt plug!!!

Kitna: Ed, we're both adults here, let's try to work this out. As the Lord our God said in Genesis, "Be fruitful and multiply."

Jones: Uh, John, that's completely irrelevant to what psycho-ref is saying to us.

Hochuli: You're goddamn right it's irrelevant! You one of those priests, Kitna? You think it's OK to go around touching on little boys and whatnot? It's SICK, that's what it is, Kitna.

Kicks Kitna in the groin and knocks out four of his teeth.

Hochuli: That's what you get you child molesting son of a bitch!

Kitna: Ugh... let's get back into the game. It's going to be an 81 deep cross to Calvin, and remember to go to confession this week.

Play results in an incompletion as Calvin lets it slip right through his hands.

Kitna: Calvin, have you not been practicing your beatitudes? Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Roy Williams: Wooooo, I got a first down, yeahhhhh!!!!

Kitna: Roy, that was three quarters ago. You are aware that pride is one of the seven deadly sins right? Kevin Spacey was all up on that in Se7en.

Jones: Enough is enough! Let's get him!!!

Kitna: Noooo! Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!

Ed Hochuli: Johnny, I ain't sinned since I cut off Little Jimmy's big toes back in the seventh grade. I'd be glad to begin.

Kitna: ...Fuck.