Now, I try to avoid making fun of people who are more successful than me under most circumstances. Except this. And this. Oh, and this! And, being the good natured (re: asshole) that I am, I wanted to avoid this at all costs. But oh, Dennis Miller, you are too much. The commercial for Miller's new show was broadcast on 660 WFAN all week, and it is a doozy. Some excerpts from the commercial: (I don't remember exactly, so I'm paraphrasing a bit)
"Now, folks, I don't mean to be the turd in the punchbowl, but calling big time collegiate athletes "students" is like calling Dr. J an M.D.
Oh, Dennis, you are fucking edgy. You may be the first person in the history of the NCAA to suggest that college athletes might not go to class or hand in assignments. Someone call ESPN, this has got to be reported ASAP! I mean, the thing you have to understand about Dennis is that not only does he have things to say, but he's not afraid to say them.
"Folks, reading the sports pages these days is more depressing than watching Britney dance!"
Huh? What is so depressing about sports today that wasn't there 10 or 20 years ago? And not only is Dennis edgy, but he knows his pop culture! Get it?! BRITNEY IS FAT AND GROSS!!!!1 Nothing really hits home with the kids quite like a Britney Spears Joke! Right guys? ...Right?
"What is it going to take to make us turn away? I guess al-Qaeda is going to have to buy the Cowboys and win the Super Bowl on the back of a rejuvenated OJ. And don't laugh, folks, Juice looked pretty spry on his latest perp-walk."
...Dennis, you've lost me. OK, so there's al-Qaeda and... OJ? Look, he makes juxtapositions that don't make sense! If you don't laugh, it means you're not smart enough to get it.
Dennis, spewing unfunny foolishness that makes no sense does not equal funny.
Oh, and, this is what real humor is.
6 comments:
Yeah someone tell Dennis to look at BC, a top 10 team whose 18 or whatever 5th year seniors already have their degrees. And not all of them are in some sort of bullshit... former Heisman hopeful Matt Ryan has a degree from the Carroll School of Management, the fine institution yours truly is currently enrolled in.
Oh but to defend Dennis, he was probably referring to the average sportswriter today being depressing to read for their atrocious inaccuracies.
bambrick, please give up on this "matt ryan for heisman" thing.
I believe I said "former Heisman hopeful"
Sorry, but I guess you're really not getting it. So don't laugh. 'On the back of a rejuvenated OJ', means that the Cowboys would win the Super Bowl with OJ playing for them.
It's really not a juxtaposition at all. *chuckle*
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