2:00am: Dream about new ways to score "fuck you" touchdowns.
3:00am: Wake up. Drink a cocktail of moose piss and virgin's souls.
3:15am: Get daily exercise by kicking puppies.
4:00am: Spend hours cackling about how you made Joe Gibbs your bitch.
7:00am: Game film. Study how many times Manning blinks, on the average, before each snap.
10:30am: Call Indianapolis police, tell them Bob Sanders has massive amounts of narcotics in his house, watch hilarity ensue.
11:00am: Work on evil cackle.
12:00pm: Create a new homeless guy sweatshirt. Those bad boys don't cut themselves!
1:00pm: Artificially inseminate whoever Tom Brady is sleeping with in order to make him want the big bucks that much more.
2:00pm: Lunch of Fat Bastard's diarrhea and kittens.
3:00pm: Arrive at practice, attempt to steal the souls of anyone who looks directly into your eyes. This succeeds 10% of the time.
3:30pm: Squeeze Moss' balls hard so he knows that he's YOUR bitch now.
4:30pm: Send 27 pizzas to Mangina's house, only to be disappointed when he eats all of them.
6:00pm: Have your personal secretary go to Bill Walsh's grave and spit on it.
7:00pm: Call Junior Seau and tell him he's a "Mary" until he cries.
8:00pm: Go to Wes Welker's house, tell him if he doesn't pull in 10 catches this week he'll start saying he has "deceptive speed." You know, like they say about every white receiver.
9:17pm-10:39pm: Sleep with the wives of every member of the Colts (coaching staff included!).
11:00pm: Shit fully baked potatoes for one full hour.
11:30pm: Call Parcells and tell him that you are "the master" now, and that he's old and weak. Bonus points for using a Darth Vader voice.
12:00am: Sacrifice one of Brady's goats, lock self in coffin bed till morning.
85 comments:
Probably would've been funnier if Belichick was spelled correctly.
People only hate them because they're sick. Sucks that all the other NFL teams are like jv programs when we play them, so stop bitching cuz ur team never wins
Hey Pats fan, guess what? You are not on the roster of the New England Patriots, i.e. the Patriots for you are not "We." You are not on the team. No one on the Patriots team, or in the Patriots organization, gives a damn about you. Nor do other any of the other bloggers actually play on the opposing teams, i.e. they are not the "your" in your teams, or as you put it "ur".
In other words, your close, personal identification with a group of people who neither know, nor care, whether you live or die, whether your life is great, or indeed sucks, is to put it mildly extremely moronic, but not nearly as moronic as your answer to this post will surely be, this post that does not mock you, no, that in fact only pities you. Fool.
Hey Pats fan...you're not on the team...quit referring to the Patriots as 'we' and all other teams as 'you'...jackass
im a huge pats fan and season ticket holder since 1995 and i thought this was hilarious. this is all in fun, i just wish it was a little longer... check out "a day in the life of doug mirabelli" i think its a lot funnier
Was this written by Bill Polian?
As humble noob into this great and magnificent nations, I no idea who is Bill Belichik. But now, I love him and want to wash his donkey.
i fuckin love commenters!
I sharted. Belichick gave Jesus a rusty haircut when he came out of the grave for more damnation. Then he wore a t-shirt that said juck fesus. Pats rule, mountain goat jizz all over my genitals. Sadist = Pats fan
Wow, after reading this I didn't know that Peyton Manning knew how to post a blog on the internet .
I also say that someone should shove a dick in the mouth of the cry baby that posted this nonsense in the first place
I too love when fans use "we" and "your". Because I imagine 53 multi-millionaires sitting around thinking about a bunch of trolls posting possessive comments on random internet blogs and it makes me giggle like a school girl. I'm sure Tom Brady would give you a big high five if he read your dutiful comments. Or maybe not since he's busy dating a supermodel. So, basically, you're proud of having 32 options to choose from and you were able to look at a piece of paper and discern which team had the better record and chose them. Congratulations super genius!!
Anonymous 5:45PM +2500
I love how defensive pats fans get when someone makes fun of their team. Chillax.
How come approximately half of all posters are Pats fans? And don't get upset about Bill Belichick being made fun of: It's not realistic and it actually implicitly compliments him.
If anything, I'm praising the fact that Belichick is a total badass and awesome coach. I'm stuck with the Mangina as a Jets fan.
This is brilliant. But, you left out the time block when he rides satan's lightning to greenland to club baby seals to get the red dye for the midfield logo.
Love,
A huge Pats fan
Whoever posted this blog is an effin genius. Did anyone else notice the white receiver comment at 8:00 pm? LOL, golden. I also like the one who emphasized the words "we" and "your" when refering to "their" team. I guess they are apart of the organization somehow, how else would Tom Brady get paid if it weren't for all the "suckers---I mean fans" buying all the crappy merchandise with his face plastered all over it. It's funny how everyone is all of a sudden die hard pats fan, now celtics fan, and soon to be bruins fan. everyone in boston can just eat a pile of bill belichick's shit. Also, please add the clubbing of the baby seals for red dye paint, hahahaha.
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