What Else, George!?

ESPN.com (a sports news website) reported today that George Mitchell wants to interview 45 more current and retired baseball players about steroids. You may remember Mitchell as that guy who talked to Jason Giambi about steroids and lead guitarist for popular Rock and Roll band The Rolling Stones. "We really want to sink our teeth into this issue; we are dedicated to ridding our fine sport of these drugs. For that reason, we're going much deeper than the usual "When did you do it and how much?" questions, we want to get to know the player better. For instance, did you know that before each start, Curt Schilling likes to rub hot sauce on his balls? We want to know how much Nyquil they can down and still stay standing, as well as when they have their next endoscopy scheduled," Mitchell said.
Mitchell states: "In order to give a thorough report, we're going to be talking to some guys on the outside of baseball who might have some insight, such as Jimi Hendrix, Charlemagne, the Persian from 300 that gets knocked down the endless pit of doom, Skull Kid from Legend of Zelda, Pee Wee Reese, William Howard Taft, Kurt Cobain's bloody corpse, the creator of Jones soda, Billy Maze the oxi clean dude, Gandalf the Grey (NOT the white), the goat from the aflac commercials, the therapist from the caveman commercials, Aeschylus, Jason (Jason X version), Frogger, and John the Baptist. My committee members and I believe that with this information we can finally stop General Zod from taking over the world."