Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Inside the Mets' Clubhouse Meeting

Willie: All right guys, that was a great series in Atlanta. I thought I might need to listen to those guys on the FAN and scream at the umpires like a jackass, but luckily you guys came through.

LoDuca: What's wrong with screaming at the umpire? Bafangool!

Willie: Who the fuck let LoDuca out of his cage? Heilman, get over here and lock Paulie back up.

Heilman: I want to start.

Willie: Shutup! You will pitch the 8th inning as you are told!

Schoenweis: Can I pitch the eighth inning, coach?

Willie: Scott, go get me a coffee. ::Turns to Pedro Martinez:: Pedro, you ready to pitch Monday?

Pedro: Yo queiro tener una fiesta!

Willie: Can someone tell me what the fuck he's saying please?

Heilman: He said you should let me me start!

Willie: That's it, Aaron, go rub David's feet.

David: Hey boss, you mind if me, Jose, and Luis leave early to work run train on some stank hos I found on the left field line?

Willie: Uh, sure David, just be here in time for the game tomorrow.

Delgado: Can I come, guys?

Wright: Yeah... the girls said they only bone with guys who on base over .150, sorry buddy.

Willie: Anyone seen Tommy?

Mike Piazza: Yeah, he's out riding his new jetskis with Maine.

Willie: Mike, why are you here? You left the team two years ago.

Piazza: OH GOD, PLEASE TAKE ME BACK, BILLY BEANE IS TRYING TO KILL ME.

Willie: Well it looks like Paulie just gave himself an aneurysm, so I guess we'll need you anyway.

Piazza: Solid. I'll get the Metalllica.

Rick Peterson: The bee is praised whilst the mosquito is swatted. Hard work comes in many different forms.

Willie: ...Thanks, Rick, that was helpful.

Billy Wagner: I wannna throw fastballs.

Willie: I know you want to throw fastballs, Billy, but everyone's been knocking the shit out of you lately.

Billy: I'll throw faster!

Willie: No, Bil- you know what, just forget it, I'm getting out of here before Oliver finds out where the meeting is.

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