Signs of a Sports Douchebag

You know That Guy. You've seen him at games, you're in fantasy sports leagues together; heck, you might have even gone to school with them once! No one likes this people, no one. If you fear that you or one of your loved ones may be a sports douchebag, check for the following signs:

-he roots for a team outside of New York even though he was born and raised in New York.
-He tries to insist that the Yankees and Red Sox have a rivalry, despite the Yankees winning 98% of the time.
*if he has a Red Sox fan, he bought an incredible amount of team apparel after their World Series victory in order to better say "Hey, look at me, I'm an asshole."
-In fantasy sports, he drops one fringe second baseman in order to pick up another fringe second baseman in order to assert his dominance as a "guru."
*He KNOWS that this is the week the .008 difference in Luis Castillo's and Chris Burke's OBP
is really gonna make a difference.
-He insists the reason David Wright isn't hitting well is because he throws his helmet after at bats.
-He believes that Alex Rodriguez is not "clutch," and that Derek Jeter is a god.
-He has second and, yes, THIRD favorite teams.
-90% of the time, these teams have just recently won a championship or absolutely come out of nowhere to be good.
-He will make up random statistics and insist they're true, despite the fact that you're at Baseball Prospectus and looking at Berkman's OBP.
*It's not always limited to current stats, however. He may insist that Wilt Chamberlain scored 101 points in a game.
-He calls Mark Messier a "piece of shit."