Shaquille O'Neal's Plans for the Future

1) Hang around under basket, wait for pass

2) Call Universal Studios about Kazaam 2: The Next Wish

3) Massage D. Wade's knees so he can heal quicker

4) Work on Free Throws <---- Haha, fuck that!

5) Eat a full-grown Bear for Dinner tonight

6) "Retire" from Basketball, fail miserably at minor league Baseball, Star in Cartoon/Live Action movie, Make triumphant return to NBA

7) Start Wearing a Cowboy Hat 24/7 (Cowboys are the new Pirates)

8) Beat Guitar Hero III

9) Continue Hitting on HEATDancers

10) Get one of those "MySpace" Pages (to relate to my young fans)

11) Finish Watching 'A-Team' DVDs Anfernee gave me for X-mas

12) Buy a Tiger <---- So Badass!

13) Complete Gallon of Milk in one Hour Challenge, Win $20 from Gilbert Arenas

14) Learn Karate (So I can start bustin' heads in UFC)

15) Take Advantage of Writer's Strike by pitching "LoveShaq" reality show VH1 Would LOVE This!!!!