Goddam, I am brilliant. I mean, seriously, who in the world is smart enough to bat a pitcher eighth and throw slugger Adam Kennedy in the nine hole? Me, that's who, motherfucker.You can't even imagine what I've got planned for Ankiel. You know how he used to be a pitcher, right? Pitchers usually bat ninth. Now chew on this, buddy: I'll bat Ankiel ninth, 'cause he used to be a pitcher. You see what I'm sayin' here, Johnny? That'll really mess with their heads. Imagine their surprise when they see it's not a pitcher batting ninth, but at the same time, it is a pitcher batting ninth!
Now you're probably thinking to yourself, "Tony, that's really too bad what happened with Spiezio." Wrong again, fuckers! While everyone was dazed and amazed by Ankiel's heroics, I put an 8 month supply of crack cocaine in his locker. I don't really know why I did it, I just can't stand that goddamn red goatee of his.
While I was there I heard some noises coming from Albert's locker, and inside was none other than the scrapster David Eckstein! I started giggling so hard I forgot to release the little shit. World Series MVP my ass, try to hustle your way out of that one.
What's that? We're still out by a bunch in the NL Central? All I can say is, don't count on Carlos Zambrano showing up on time for his next start.
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